Believe it or not I am not an emotional mess. I know I write about emotions a lot and things that bother me, but I swear I do not ball my eyes out 24/7. It actually is the complete opposite. I keep a lot of things buried deep inside and then all of a sudden I explode. I really have been trying to work on this fault of mine. I have lost out on different things in my life because I pretend I do not care, or I just do not want it held against me later in life, or I just do not like drama, or I do not want people to see me as weak, or I do not want to hurt others feelings. But all of a sudden something happens and I am a mess. That happened tonight.
Everyone who is reading this is probably going to laugh, but it was because of the show The Bachelor. Not this weeks episode, but last weeks (thank you to DVR, I got to watch it tonight). For those that do not watch it I'll give you a brief little description of the show. The Bachelor, Sean, takes a girl on a date and they rent out an amusement park for just them, but they include 2 girls from a charity called Starlight Children's Foundation who have chronic/terminal illnesses. What do you think their chronic/terminal disease is... mitochondrial disease.
I lost it! All my girls and my husband were in bed and it was just me. I cried and cried and cried. They were both tears of sadness and tears of joy. Here are 2 teenagers that were having fun and do not let their illness or disability keep them from enjoying life. They do not let this stupid disease define them and win. This is what I want for Sadie. This stupid disease, and her other medical issues will not get in her way of living life to HER fullest. It is these random moments that light a fire under my butt to make sure I am doing everything I possibly can for my little girl.
It is also these moments that bring me to my knees crying and trying to figure out why MY little girl has medical issues that are described under chronic/terminal illnesses. This news is not a shocker to me. I've known the outcome from the beginning, but it is random moments like this when it is said out load unexpectedly that it stabs me in the heart. Not just stabs me, but the knife twists back and forth and then gets pulled out just to be cleaned off and put away for the next random moment when I am not expecting it. I know that is a graphic description, but honestly that does not even begin to describe what these random moments do to me.
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