It's hard to believe that one year ago Sadie had her sweet little heart fixed. I feel like it was just yesterday. I remember every detail of that day; being an hour late to check in (not my fault for once, it was the Dr's), the look in Sadie's eyes as I kissed her good bye, spilling a smoothie down my sleeve, watching the clock and wondering why it was taking so much longer then they said, the small talk conversations that I was making to attempt to take my mind off of the surgery. What I remember more then anything is the way I felt. I am generally not a nervous or anxious person, but that day... that day brought it all out of me. I don't show much on the outside, but my heart was beating so hard and so fast that day. I was trembling, not the trembling that you can see but the kind that can only be felt. My palms were cold and clammy. I didn't touch anyone for these reasons, except for my husband. As soon as I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, he looked in my tear filled eyes and he knew. My strength was weak that morning. He's not used to that side of me, he didn't know what to do or say. So he hugged me, and hugged me tight, not saying a word, but he said all that I needed to hear. Off and on that morning he would touch my hands to check my nerves, either giving me a gross look if they were really sweaty, or just a squeeze and a smile. It became a joke after a while, then finally the laughter came. I started to chill out and my strength slowly was returning. Finally the nurse and Dr came out and said all went perfect. My trembling stopped, my clamminess went away, my nerves calmed down, and I felt strong again. All was well inside my body, and I had all my strength back which was what my baby needed; a strong mama.
One year later I have a 3 1/2 year old little girl with a very strong heart. And a strength all of her own. Her warrior scar may be fading, but her strength is stronger then ever. She is happy and accomplishing things that we didn't know if she would ever accomplish. She is a role model for us all.
"Scars are badges of strength and courage. They tell the story of what we have endured. Only survivors wear them" -Kaki Warner