September 30, 2015

Thanks for the reminder

  If you have facebook you know that it will send you a notice saying that "you have memories on this day " and it will show you your memories that you have posted in years past. I just recently signed up for this reminder thing.  Most days I like this reminder. I'll remember funny things that my children have said or milestones that they have hit, or events that I attended that I had a great time at.  They generally give me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Well, not today.  Today it reminded me that 4 yrs ago I had a not so great Dr's appt while pregnant with Sadie.
  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I slept like crap the night before because my head was spinning in a million different directions.  I had to be at the Dr's first thing in the morning as they were going to do an echo and 3d imaging on Sadie's heart to see the defect more clear, so they could be more prepared for her birth day.  They would know what to expect, and how to prepare us for what may happen.  My husband at the time was working night shift, so as soon as he came home, we left for the appt.  Neither of us said anything in that 30 min drive to the office.  We walked in hand in hand, both of us had sweaty palms, both of us had slight tremors from our nerves.  We had heard many scenarios up to this point, including the chance of delivering her that day. She would have been about 8 weeks early.
  They call me back, lay me on the table, prep me up and the ultrasound tech starts her thing.  Measuring everything, checking fluid levels, listening to the heart beat, making small talk to try to ease our nerves.  She then becomes quiet. and turns the screen some so we can't watch.  I knew something was wrong,  ultrasounds for this pregnancy always came with bad news, so I prepared myself.  The tech left, and came back with 3 Dr's. The fetal cardiologist, my OB Dr, and some other Dr, that to this day I still don't know who he was. They talked and pointed at some stuff on the screen that I still couldn't see.  They mumbled a little here and there.  My heart was pounding hard and fast and I'm pretty sure it was so loud that everyone in the room could here it. I tuned out everyone in the room, and went to a happy place in my mind and started to pray.  I felt like they sat there staring at the screen, pointing to things, making quiet comments and examining Sadie forever, in reality it was about an hour long ultrasound.  Finally, they said "OK, we are done. The tech will show you to a room. We will be in shortly." I finish wiping my belly off from all that goopy stuff, and we follow the tech to the room.
  We sit there and wait.  It felt like a million hours, but I'm sure it wasn't.  Finally, the fetal cardiologist comes in and says "do you want the good news or the bad news first"?  What do you say to that?  My heart just stopped and my mind started racing.  I wanted to say "hey a$$hole, just start talking and give me the news because I may explode with anxiety". But I didn't, we sat there in silence, staring at him, until he decided what order to give us the news. "The good news, we won't be delivering the baby today and we have no reason to believe that she won't be born alive, her heart is very stable for the time being".  My eyes filled with tears, I breathed a big sigh, grabbed my husband hands and squeezed it.  We both had tears of joy in our eyes (at least at that moment they were of joy).  And then he continued and this is where things get a little blurry in my mind cause he just started spitting out all of these new findings.  I just remember hearing bits and pieces... her heart currently looks stable... the hole isn't where we originally thought it was... but she still may need open heart surgery within hours of being born cause we can't completely be sure the depth/size of the hole...  we found a rare finding with her vena cava, honestly, personally I've never seen it before... I looked it up and with the defect in her heart and the brain malformation she may have blah, blah, blah disorder... here is what I found (he hands us a Xerox copy of a page in a medical book)... I tuned him out.  I got stuck on brain malformation.  Up to this point we had never heard that anything was wrong with her brain.  Finally, I interrupted him and told him that he might have the wrong person cause there was nothing wrong with her brain.  He got quiet and said "OK, wait a minute, I'll be back".  He came back in with my regular OB and that's when they explained that this was a new finding as of today and that her cerebellum had stopped growing.  Again, they reiterated that they had no reason to believe that she wouldn't be born alive. They explained what the cerebellum did, they said "it probably won't effect her too much, she may be clumsier than normal , or have trouble sitting and such things that need balance, nothing else should be effected", they said it so nonchalant, like it was no big deal (HA, little did they know the WHOLE story that the future revealed)!  The Dr's continued to talk at us, I'm pretty sure that my husband and I tuned them out from that point on. Finally, we heard "anymore questions"? I wanted to scream "HE%# yes, a million more questions"!  But we didn't. I shook my head no, my husband was in a daze (a combo of lack of sleep and the news).  They told me that I had to have a non stress test before I left to make sure the baby was OK. I sent my husband to the car to sleep, and I sat there staring out the window for a half hour while I listened to this precious heartbeat, praying for it to stay strong.  Was all this really happening to me? To my baby?  To my family?  It all felt so surreal.  The nurse came in and said that all looked good. I could go home.  I made an appt for the following week and left in a complete daze, confused, and thankful that my baby was still safe, deep down inside of me and for now there was no signs of her making her way into the world early.
  Again we drove home in silence, neither of us had much to say, both of us taking in the lastest news.

September 28, 2015

Chloe's 8 yrs old!

Happy 8th Birthday Chloe!
1 week old
How this little baby just turned 8 yrs old is beyond me! I remember that day like it was yesterday; her smell, size, feel, cry.  She made me a mom for the first time.  She changed my life for the better.  She is such a fun loving happy cautious shy caring incredible girl and has a heart the size of Texas.  She is coming into her own person and loves learning at school, dancing, sewing, and softball.  I love watching her grow and change.  Chloe is amazing!
For her birthday she had her first slumber party with her friends.  It was fun for them and exhausting for mama! It was worth it though when I later heard "This was the best birthday party ever mom.  Thank you!" followed by a big hug.
My husband was not strangling Sadie even though it kind of looks like it. He was trying to hold her up to be in the pic and trying to lift her chin up to look at the camera and thought he was staying out of the pic. God bless him for trying.
They got to  stencil/paint/draw their own t shirt.  It was kind of hectic, but they loved doing this.

Sadie gave her new PJ's for her slumber party.

Aubrie gave her a new "kitten" named Zoomer

Sadie loved watching Zoomer.


September 16, 2015

Pretty, Pretty Princess

The girls and their friends love playing games with Sadie.  They always include her (the best they can) in what they are doing.  Sadie always has fun and never complains about what they are doing to her. They can even get away with holding her hand to put rings on them.

First Aubrie and her friend wanted to play with Sadie.

Then a few days later Chloe and her friend wanted to play it with Sadie.

We are so blessed that the girls have such good friends that want to play with Sadie and include her in activities.  It truly means the world to me (and Sadie).

*Just a side note. As the girls where playing with Sadie I looked up on my wall and saw the picture of Aubrie at the exact same age wearing the same outfit.  It was a little bittersweet. 1. Where did my little Aubrie go? I swear it was just yesterday that she was 3.  2. Can Sadie really be big/old enough to wear these clothes? 3. Sometimes I still get really sad that Sadie isn't able to stand and do what the other girls were able to do at that age.  But I look at that smile, and think "how can I be sad"?  She is amazing for who she is and I'm extremely lucky to have her!

September 10, 2015

First day 4 yr old preschool 2015/16

Sadie 2nd yr of preschool

 Her bus driver was trying to help her wave goodbye. As we all know, she was not a fan of the hand holding.  She told him off in her own way, LOL.

However, after she was almost all the way in the bus, she decided to wave good bye on her own. This is one of her new milestones she's been working on. 

After school she was all smiles. She truly loves school.  It's very rare when she complains about going. She always comes home smiling (or sleeping cause they worked her so hard).  Her teacher tells me about times she complains about doing something new, but she always calms down fairly fast and generally goes right back to smiling.

Sadie's welcoming committee!

  Sadie has been waving for a long time, but she has never waved in a "conversation".  During the summer we noticed that every time she got on the bus she was waving back to me, and the bus driver reported that she waves when she gets off the bus at school. I also talked to her teacher and she reported that Sadie will smile and wave when she arrives in the classroom, and then waves again when she is getting on the bus at the end of the day.  Now her waving is more purposeful. We walk into her room, or the door, or whatever and she waves and smiles. Or if we wave to her she'll wave back.  It's not your traditional wave, with arm extended. It's her own signature wave. She puts her hand up under her chin and she gets so tickled with herself and gives a big ol' smile.  It's the sweetest thing ever.

September 08, 2015

First day of school 2015/16

Chloe 3rd Grade

Aubrie 1st Grade

Traditional back pack pictures!

Sisterly Love!
So happy for their first day of school. I hope their love of school (and each other) lasts forever!
Always rains on the first day of school!

This is Chloe telling me it's not cool for parents to be at the bus stop. Already? She's only in 3rd grade, I thought that didn't come until at least middle school.

And off they go!

Sadie waited all day for them to come home.  She was happy girl when they arrived (I know she doesn't look it, but she really is, lol).

September 03, 2015

First Hair Cut

  Sadie had her first real hair cut. I've chopped away at her hair in the past, but it was far from professional.  But since she has decided that that she can sit in a chair I thought we would attempt a real haircut at a salon.
She did a fairly good job until...

I had to hold her head still to cut her bangs.  

 Then she told me and the hairdresser off.
Then there was no calming her down.  Good thing she was almost done.

The final masterpiece. She is so stinking cute!  If she would have cooperated and put her arms down you would have seen her cute little curls

 Then she waved good-bye to me and I took it that she was done with me taking pictures of her. LOL!