My poor baby girl started to get sick last week. Started with a little extra sticky drool that increased and increased and increased to the point that her face, hair, clothes were soaked. It was gross. Then came a fever, then came a nasty poo (sorry TMI), then she became extremely tired (to the point of being unresponsive a few times), then came increase in mucus and watery eyes, then came the cough/choking. We went to the Dr's but nothing really came of that because her vitals were stable (just a low grade fever) and not many symptoms . The Dr just thought it was a bad virus. A couple days later she was still not improving, not getting worse, but definitely not improving. Another phone call to the Dr and this time she ordered a chest x ray, blood work and blood cultures. Nothing showed up from those though. Everything was normal. This was good news, but at the same time, why is my baby not getting better? A couple days later I spoke to the Dr again and this time she decided to start antibiotics just to cover our bases. Finally, she started to perk up on Halloween. Not sure if it was the antibiotic, or it was just the end of the virus (14 days later). Slowly, she started to stay awake for longer periods of times and we got smiles again. Thank goodness! I could breath again. Otherwise, by the end of the weekend we were going to take her to the ER and possibly admit her to figure out what was going on. Now she is completely back to her old, happy self and healthy again (except she still has a little too much drool).
It is exhausting having a medically fragile child. The anxiety is ridiculous. Even though I knew this was probably just a cold (because her sister also had a cold) the thoughts about what "just a cold" could do to her is like no feeling I can describe. Yes, Sadie has been sick in the past, but for some reason I didn't have the same thoughts/feelings like I did this time. Sadie mostly stayed in our eyes sight so that we could watch her closely, but with every sneeze, cough, choke I would hear in the baby monitor would make me hold my breath until I heard her again or I would run to her bed to make sure there was another breath. If I slept at night I would go check on her frequently, praying with every step to her room that I wouldn't find her anyway but sleeping peacefully. When you have a medically fragile child you are automatically in the category of "borrowed time" because many of these kiddos are not given the best prognosis. This means that I live with the reminder that any day could be the last. Each cold, cough, fever, any illness may be the one that takes my child. The upside of this is that I see each day as a gift, and I do my best to make them count. However, it takes a toll on me.
Sadie does not like being held, but when she is sick she will sit on my lap, cuddle, sleep. That's how you know she is truly sick. As much as I love these moments, I would much rather her be healthy and wiggling to get off my lap.
This was her actual birthday. This is all she did all day. Not a great way to celebrate.
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