October 10, 2012

That little heart that taught a BIG lesson

   Sometimes when Sadie is sleeping I will reach over and place my hand on her heart just to feel it beat.  I close my eyes (no lie, I still get tears in my eyes every time I touch her heart) and say a little prayer over it.  I have done this since the day she was born when I could physically place my hands on her. I think because I was so scared before she was born about what was going to happen with that tiny little heart.  Were they going to have to open her tiny chest and fix it right away, was it going to stop beating when she came out?  The emotions that were going through me... I still get choked up thinking about it all.  Luckily, her heart was not as bad as they thought.  The hole was not as low in her heart.  They originally thought the hole was between all 4 chambers.  It ends up that it is right above the 4 chambers, between just the 2 atrias (ASD).  "The hole is in a safe place", the Dr's tell me, "The oxygenated blood is mixing back in with the unoxygenated blood verses the other way around, so her heart is working twice as hard as it should, but at least the blood that is coming out is oxygenated.  Otherwise, we would have a big problem".  So for now her heart is beating strong, she has not had any issues.  In fact, you can't even hear a murmur.  So if it wasn't for finding it on the ultrasound, we probably would not have a clue it was there.  The Dr's say that she will need to have it fixed, but not until she is closer to 7 yrs old unless she shows signs of having problems then she will have to have it fixed sooner.  For now we just pray that it stays strong.
   This also changed the way I look at Chloe and Aubrie's hearts.  I now hold their heart every night to feel it beat as we say our prayers.  I thank God every night for every beat of their hearts, not to take one beat for granted.  I am so grateful that I have opened my eyes and now take the time to feel their hearts.  If it wasn't for Sadie, I probably would have never done this.  One more wonderful lesson that Sadie has taught me.

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